学讽刺学单词欢乐多~
这是加拿大人的报复性吐槽吧⋯⋯某评论员在The Guardian美国版开了专栏“Worst Olympics Ever”（链接），副标题大意是：两年前，Vancouver的冬奥运被《卫报》评为史上最糟糕奥运会；现在，是时候把这个评选结果传递下去了。（Two years ago the Vancouver Winter Olympics was labelled the worst Games ever by the Guardian. It's time to turn the tables）
我个人不吐槽伦敦奥运——组织盛大活动不容易，吐槽恐怕有站着说话不腰疼的嫌疑。但我就是觉得这些幽默真是好好笑，权当satire的学习资源——所以拿三篇文章作为样本读一下~满眼GRE单词⋯⋯
为什么说这是报复性吐槽呢？看第一篇《The worst Olympics ever: the London Games looks ugly – literally》。
作者一上来先念叨着当年英国吐槽加拿大是“worst Olympics ever”，说这是英国人的策略：It wasn't difficult to recognise the strategy in London's coverage of the 2010 Games in Vancouver. As a Canadian citizen, I'm attuned to crippling insecurity, and the UK press's insistence that we were staging "the worst Games ever" was teeming with it.
英国希望通过吐槽加拿大降低标准，但这个策略的前提是，他们不会比那个标准更低：Disparaging the Vancouver Olympics was a savvy approach for the knock-kneed（原来内八字脚这个词是这么说⋯⋯好形象） nation going next. What better way to ensure that London won't be viewed as a momentous disappointment than by setting the bar as low as possible? Of course, this strategy works a whole lot better if, after deprecating the previous Games until an afternoon at Crufts feels like a grander occasion, you don't rest on your laurels（原来“躺在荣誉上止步不前”这么说~） so completely that you still manage to limbo below the bar.
作者终于开始报复了⋯⋯这段形容开幕式上的复活节彩蛋的比喻好无语⋯⋯Granted, a long look eventually yields an Easter egg – a "2012" hidden amid the horror – but, like an eclipse, it's hard to stare at it long enough to appreciate it. (Has the sun taught you nothing, London? Perhaps if you saw it more often.)
作者还是口下留情地说：In fairness, not everything has been an eyesore（原来“眼中钉”这么说，我原来只会说“肉中刺”⋯⋯pain in the neck，或者还有一种更slang的说法）.
但最后还是不忘祥林嫂一把：But I guess we shouldn't be surprised at the United Kingdom's lack of self-awareness when their press smugly gave us the term "worst Olympics ever" two years before they began to define it.
吐槽吉祥物的一篇就更搞笑了：《The worst Olympics ever: The offensive Wenlock and Mandeville》。
开篇说，吐槽伦敦奥运，万万不可绕过Wenlock and Mandeville，这两个offensively terrible, anthropomorphic characters的吉祥物：
These phallic（呃，这事儿被某个脱口秀吐槽了） bugbears fitted out in foppish puffery are by far the worst mascots of any Olympics, and I say this while trying to suppress my memories of Atlanta's amorphous blob Whatzit (later renamed Izzy)（呃，Altanta躺枪了）, which ushered in the trend of using no creative effort whatsoever on mascot design. Britain has brought this trend to its logical conclusion.（Altanta引领潮流，英国登峰造极的意思么？每一次看到郑重其事地用whatsoever我都想笑）
附上Atalnta的吉祥物Izzy公仔搞笑照片一张：
我觉得这段超搞笑——
Thankfully, with only a few weeks to grow fond of them before they fill up the bargain bin, they're almost always forgettable as well. But that's what makes the colossal（新学了一个形容failure的词⋯⋯） failure of Wenlock and Mandeville so jaw-dropping（这个词好生动啊）. Britain has somehow managed to take a relatively unimportant aspect of the Olympic Games and turn it into an unforgettable and indelible full-scale embarrassment. （最后这句笑喷了⋯⋯）
吐槽这个设计如何诞生的时候⋯⋯真是让人吐槽无力啊⋯⋯我都口吐白沫了⋯⋯
How did this happen? It's as though designer Grant Hunter found himself without a good concept on the day he was supposed to present one, and as he shaved in the shower, desperately looking around for inspiration, he glanced down at his razor and thought, "Eureka! Horrible metal bits!" And then he glanced further down and thought, "Eureka! One-eyed bits!"
于是，the Cyclopean（还真有“独眼龙”这种词⋯⋯） nightmares Wenlock and Mandeville were born, scribbled on a pad of paper at a stop light and approved by the legally blind Locog organisers.
然后这段就更⋯⋯哦，eureka了！Off the top of my head: Wenlock and Mandeville were originally a broadsword, but when it was run through a wizard, the wizard's magic blood split them in half and granted them souls.
最后，关于这段吉祥物，还是看一下wikipedia上面的官方解释吧：
“According to the associated (fictional) storyline, they were formed from the last girder of the Olympic Stadium（这里还算感人）. Their skins are made of highly polished steel allowing them to reflect the personalities and appearances of the people they meet（想象力有点狂野啊⋯⋯）. Their one eye is a camera （我去⋯⋯） and on their heads are yellow lights symbolizing those of a London Taxi（why？我不懂）.”
然后，一篇吐槽安保、火炬看不见、卖不出去票等的文章《The worst Olympics ever: Now we know why police never caught Benny Hill》
比如有关方面丢了Wembley Stadium的钥匙之后，作者写：
It is a shame that the police could not lose the keys to the Olympic Stadium instead, especially since it might have afforded the common citizen an opportunity to get in and see Thomas Heatherwick's beautiful cauldron in person. As it turns out, the only good‑looking part of the Olympic Games is hidden away where only ticket-buyers and athletes can experience it live.
然后作者吐槽火炬在场馆内部，就此开始一发不可收拾了⋯⋯You will recall that London was critical of Vancouver's decision to place the Olympic cauldron behind a chain-link fence. Clearly, this criticism stemmed from the fact that the fence was not opaque enough（我看到这里愣了一下⋯⋯）. Now they are showing us how it is done, hiding it inside a stadium.
作者继续发飙：Regarding the whiny, poor, spoiled tourists who think that a trip to London entitles them to see the Olympic cauldron, London's mayor Boris Johnson does not see what the problem is. "It's going to be visible to everybody who watches it on TV. It's there. I don't think it's a big deal", he said. On that same note, why would anyone want to make love to a woman when you can just find a video of someone else doing it online?（我看到最后一句又愣了一下⋯⋯这不是忽视广大女同胞以及gay的视角么？）
然后说，原来敦伦市长都说了，最好的看奥运的座位是你家的沙发——他真的这么搬起石头砸自己的脚？One wonders if it is wise for the London mayor to suggest that the best Olympic view is on television while the city struggles to fill the stadium for marquee events. Perhaps you would not have to slash prices（跳楼价原来这么说~） on the good seats if you were not telling people the best seat is on the sofa.
所以也就不同情他们跳楼价卖票了——而且他们不想让别人帮忙，因为别人义务帮他们卖票，他们还把那人抓起来⋯⋯这段真是好吐槽啊。they do not want it, a fact that Vancouver resident Kenneth Gabe found out when he was arrested for scalping tickets（倒票原来这么说！）. For volunteering his services as a mobile ticket retailer, he spent the weekend in jail（呃⋯⋯作者好spicy）.
He was fortunate the police still knew where the keys were come Monday morning.（真是祥林嫂一样的⋯⋯）